let's get personal

A Little Lost & Stuck

Hello Tumblr,

How have you been? It seems you’ve been doing your own thing and moving with the paces. I, on the other hand, have been feeling stuck in a rut. A bit socially.

My friends and I have been moving on with our own lives. Many of them just dealing with the day-to-day and all the stresses of work/school. It’s been tough always getting a chance to see many of them. So many of us have different schedules and others to see as well. It’s that reality of adulthood. You have energy and money, but no time to have fun.

I’m trying to push myself go on adventures and do things besides the normal stuff, like go to the mall, see a movie, sit in coffee shops and talk all night. I want to go out of my usual life and try new things. So I decided to make a list of things I’d like to do. 

Things I Want to Do:

1. See Phantom of the Opera on Broadway
2. Go fishing/row boating on a lake
3. Take up archery
4. Go biking on weekends
5. Run a 5K
6. Become physically stronger and fit
7. Take dancing lessons
8. Go to Six Flags with friends
9. Picnic in Central Park
10. A morning to night adventure in the city
11. Go to fairs/farmer’s markets
12. Go on vacation to Rhode Island
13. Go to the Cherry Blossom Festival in Washington D.C.
14. Visit Hong Kong again

There is probably going to be more, but it’s a start. Let’s hope I can cross some of these things off within the next year or so. Here’s to having adventures! :3

It’s been almost a year…

Since my life has changed for the better. Though if you said that to me then, I wouldn’t have believed you.

Looking back is one thing, but trying to live in the past is another. Sometimes the past creeps up on you and reminds you of things you don’t care to remember, but sometimes it’s just there in the corner to remind you that things are so much better now. To remind you to be happy with what life has taken away and has given to you in return. I’m here, going forward; Moving with the ebb and flow of life. 

You can’t stop time and you can’t live in the past. You have to keep moving; Moving towards…I don’t know where, but somewhere happier, hopeful, and peaceful. I look back now and see what happened with a clearer mind. A mind at rest and at peace. I see now the red flags that were waving in my face every step of the way but I had chosen to ignore. Though it put me through the ringer, I don’t really care anymore. It’s not forgotten, but forgiven.

There is no blame. There is no more hurt. There is only the truth. And the truth does set you free. I look back and see where I have gone, the people I’ve met along the way, the people who were left behind. And I look at where I have gotten so far on my path. It’s been bumpy and long but where I am now is the happiest I’ve been. Ever so grateful for those who still walk along side of me and thankful the storms have past. It’s just a big, blue sky above me with the sun shining down on my face. I can breathe the air again and see a bright future ahead.

Though the past decidedly knocked on my door again, I greeted it kindly and happily said I’m not interested and closed the door behind me. Forgiven, but not forgotten. 

Thank you for the time spent. Thank you for the happy moments. Thank you for letting go. Thank you for freeing me to be happy all the time. Thank you…

Rough Week

It’s been a hell of a week. Doesn’t help when both your boss and supervisor are at a conference either. It’s our Director of PR and I left to manage the department while they are gone for the week and it’s been a rough one.

The one thing I looked forward to was my boyfriend’s Pharmacy Formal this past Tuesday. It was great. Dancing, mingling, drinking (of course), and just an amazing night with great people and my lovely boyfriend. 

The rest of the week, well, let’s say there have been better. First, one of my cardigan’s got a sticker on it that was washed and dried into. So spend most of Monday night using nail polish remover to get it off so I can wear it at the formal. (which thankfully it came off). Using the remover ruined my nails so I had to redo them, twice. 

Tuesday at work was just hell. Things were going terribly wrong. Rebates for events were not taken care of and no one bother to checked them and then I have to take matters into my own hands because no one else is going to do it. I hate to blame people but there are some people who just shouldn’t be doing anything anymore. You talk to them and things go in one ear and out the other and I get that I’m not the boss of anyone here, but I work for someone who is the boss and whatever he says to me has to get done. People here tend to wash their hands of things. After that fiasco, I tried to go to Target and got lost going a different way, so I tried to use the GPS on my phone which froze. I had to reset my phone, then it locked up into airplane mode, then stopped recognizing my sim card. Also I burnt my hand on soup. It was just a bad day. 

But I got to spend my night having so much fun and so many needed drinks. And I got to spend part of the Wednesday with my boyfriend after the formal. 

Now, I’m back at work. Seems like some people are on edge and are annoyed. I get that it hasn’t been easy and I’m sorry this was put on your shoulders but your department is running this event, not mine. This is what my department deals with all the time and we end up taking over and coordinating things. Sorry but not this time. No one is completely blaming people but you feel those piercing eyes and light conversation with and undertone of frustration. Someone said to me, “Did you enjoy your day off?” It threw me off. I get that I took off during this busy week, but I got approval for it a month or two ago. I didn’t know this was going to happen, so don’t blame me for all this extra work you have to do. You aren’t the only people who work. 

It just gets a little annoying when you try and try to help as much as you can, but sometimes you have so much work on your plate to get done that you can’t keep track of everyone else’s work too. We might be the “fun” department, but it’s hard work and time consuming to keep this fun. 

I’m done ranting for now. Waiting for shipments and approvals and trying to get another event’s collateral ready to go.

:3

So…I’ve been guilted into posting again. :cough: Brandon :cough: And I guess I’ll make a quick debut back into the world of blogging.

Quick updates:

I got to work around 9:20AM and didn’t leave till 9:10PM so I think saying I’m “busy” is and understatement.

My boyfriend, Michael, and I got a hedgehog named Quilliam Spiker III Esq. He’s adorable and such a grumpy gus. Always pokes me ><!

Besides that, everything has just been easygoing and laid back. Can’t wait for the summer and just for this next month to move along. 

Expectations & Realizations

So it’s my one year review. It’s definitely exciting and nerve-wracking…

I’m hoping for a raise but I know there are some things I do need to work on. My director has approached me about my lateness. There have been times I’ve rolled into work after 9, sometimes close to 10. (Yes, that’s pretty bad.) I can’t make any excuses for it. I’ve just been kind of slipping. It doesn’t help when you’re whole department doesn’t show up till 10 sometimes. I guess I’ve just been using the excuse that if they don’t show up at 9, why should I? I am working on changing that and waking up at the appropriate time. It’s been tough, but it’s going to be a busy year so I don’t see myself lacking work when I go in even if not everyone is there yet. At least then I can start leaving at 5 again and not 6.

Also, I’ve been approached about some mistakes. I rushed to finish a project because I was taking a half day. I shouldn’t have rushed and should have double checked my work. But I guess I was kind of peeved that this project was suppose to be done before I left. I kept asking for approval and information to get it done. Everyone is well busy for a Friday, but they knew I had a half-day. Even with me rushing, I ended up staying 2 hours later. It was frustrating because I’m a perfectionist and I’m mad at myself for letting that slip by. Trying to double check more and take my time more. I guess also realizing that things will get done when they need to be done. Time management is difficult in an organization. Sometimes when one person gets information late, everyone has to make up for it.

I hate to complain and vent like this, but it’s a little frustrating. We are expected to work and meet standards, but sometimes the line is blurred by not just you but the people you work with. Then it seems like when they have let things slide for so long, they finally figured, “Oh, this is kind of an issue…”

Hence, “Expectations & Realizations”

Work relationships, in my opinion, have changed over the years. Also it seems like, people have push the boundary of what is right and what is wrong. Most supervisors and managers are told they really shouldn’t hang out with their workers outside of work and be friends with them, but I’ve noticed that most of the places I’ve worked at, it seems like they do it anyway. Even with where I work now. We have gone out to dinner and gotten drinks. We celebrate birthdays and holidays together outside of work. We haven’t hung out at each others houses but we are still very friendly and rely on each other outside of work. 

Is it wrong? Not really in my opinion. It just comes down to, when you are at work, you work. When you are outside of work, you play. The relationship shouldn’t be affected drastically and should be maintained. Sometimes it seems difficult to and sometimes things get out of hand. I wish for more things to maintained at my job. Give me the expectations and rules that they want me to follow to the tee and others, let me know it’s okay to let them slide a bit. 

Besides just being friends, what about dating within the work place? Two people at my job are actually happily married to each other even though one is considered to be above the other. They don’t ever let it affect their job because of what others will think. They don’t want their co-workers to think they are getting special treatment. I know there are others out there who have dated within their job, even if they are on the same level, and things got messy. Too much drama and too much information. They start to bring other people into their problems. 

I’ve just come to realize that we are all human. There’s no way to really leave everything you are at the door and just work as a completely professional. You still have to be yourself, enjoy your job, do well, but not go completely insane about it with stress. 

New Year, New Possibilities

It’s been a great Holiday this year. Though I was a bit of a party pooper at times, I am grateful to have some of the best people in my life. 

Memories of this time of year kind of got me down during the Holiday break, but thankfully it didn’t last long. Looking back, I’ve realized that I have the most amazing people in my life.

My best friends and yes I have plural. 5 individuals that I have gained from different aspects of my life. Whether I’ve known them 10 years or 1 year, they have made my life so much more enjoyable and filled with so many great moments. They have been there in my darkest hours and my brightest days. They have always been there when I need somebody the most. But most of all, I would gladly give everything I have for them. They are my family. My sisters and brothers.

My family. Though we have our differences at times, they have supported me my whole life. Never had they put me down or pushed me out. They have all wanted the best for me and be with me through thick and thin. They have given me every possibility in my life. They helped make my dreams come true and I want to make that happen for them too. 

Though, He and I have only been together for a short amount of time, he is simply amazing. My adorable boyfriend, who has proven to me over and over again that he is a kind, gentle, sweet, funny, corny, and wonderful boyfriend. I hope and wish for an amazing relationship with him. He has treated me with respect and has been chivalrous. He has given me his time and trust. Though we are both busy, especially him, he still makes time for us.

As far as everything else, I’m having a blast at my job. I work with some great people. We all get along and our department is the best. We always have the fun projects.

I am happy I got to see many of these people during this break and got a chance to also renew my spirits and mind. I’m looking forward to this new year. It will have it’s ups and downs, as every other year has, but I do hope the ups outweigh the downs and that those moments are special and amazing. 

Happy (Belated) New Year! May everyone’s hopes and dreams come true.

(´-ω-｀) Mellow / Bored

Last week before I’m off from Christmas to New Years. It’s quiet in the office and I’m manning the post by myself for most of the week. So……………

I’M SOOOOOO BORED!

Okaaaaay, I do have things to do, website revamp which is going to take up most of the week. (Lots of coding) Mostly making forms and newsletters this week. Have to work on the next issue of our magazine. Possibly some flash going into the website that I want to try and do on my own. All it all, it’s a busy last week, but I can’t do much now because I’m going out to the Holiday Light Show and man the ticket booth tonight soooo 

:ahem: :snazzy smile and announcer voice:

The Holiday Light Show! Long Island’s #1 drive-thru light show based in Bayport, NY. With over 200,000 visitors a year! Don’t miss out on all the beautiful holiday displays built and coordinated by the Girl Scouts of Suffolk County. Only $12 per car Monday - Thursday, $15 Friday-Sunday. Ends December 30 so drive on down and enjoy this magical show!

:smile with a twinkle: :pops confetti: :applause:

So besides the upselling, I’m ready for Christmas and I can’t wait to open presents!!!!!!!!!

And there is so much I’d like to do during my lovely week off. I want to go do wintery things, such as, ice skating, drinking hot cocoa, sitting by a warm fire, seeing the tree in the city, if it snowed, make snow people, watch Christmas movies, and most of all…..sleep (_ _)zZ

Been awfully tired all the time. Coldness is not helping. Lack of sun too. And it doesn’t help that I’m slightly insomniac at night. TV is so enticing in the middle of the night, with all those infomercials. :zombie: ”Must buy magic bullet……”

What else…..hmmmmmmmm I have nothing else really going on. Happy as a clam is all I can say :3 Now for a nap….just kidding. More surfing of the interwebs to kill time before I leave the office. Pray I brought enough clothes to keep me warm tonight. And come visit the show :D

13 1/2

13 1/2 hours. Time flew by fast, but every step of the way brought us closer.

I got to spend a whole day with my lovely boyfriend on Wednesday. Though it rained, it was amazing! We did so much in one day. We went to The New Museum and slid down an awesome slide that went through the floors. We tried different social experiments, feel like a fish. It was so much fun. We walked around together, ate delicious panini’s and got to ride the train back together. We even played mini-golf and watched a movie together. 

It was the best day and night! I hope there are more to come. It was absolutely amazing to just spend all day together and we were never bored; Never got awkward. It was just natural and comfortable. I loved every second of it. I can’t wait to see him again!

Foggy Nights

Foggy nights fill the air. The moon is hazy and dull but doesn’t hide . It’s big and demanding. Demanding the gaze of those who stare out their windows.

“Look at me! Don’t fear me. Accept me as I am. I may be small and not whole at times, but I’m not scared or hiding. I’m always there…just behind the curtain”

My mind is kind of cloudy. Like I said before, I’m scared. Not as scared…but still scared. It’s a good kind of scared. The type that keeps you on your toes and your heart racing. Kind of feeling alive and touched with this electricity, this excitement. A journey on it’s way.

I came across a song that would have perfectly described where I was so many months ago. I posted it before but here is the link - http://youtu.be/HO4e4nCYBEo. That was me. Completely, utterly destroyed and devastated. But looking back, I’m not sad anymore. Just feeling acceptance. It was a tough place to pick myself up from but I learned a lot about myself and what I want.

I’m happy. Happy to be where I am in my life. Happy to have my friends and family. Happily working at a wonderful place. And most of all, happy to find something I thought I had lost. A little piece of my heart that has been saved for that special someone. It has been ripped out, stepped on, and torn to pieces, but in the end, repaired and put back in it’s place. A little part that beats with life, waiting and wanting for another to beat with the same rhythm. 

I don’t want to end up in that same place I was so few months ago. I don’t want to end up hoping for something and it to be pushed away. That’s why I’m scared. To put yourself in the line of fire. To hope that whatever you give is not just taken for granted, that it’s given back. I lost a lot of myself in those days, weeks, and months. It’s still going to take some time to really gain back everything I had given away, but I’m still here. I’m still standing tall. The memories are almost gone and new ones arise.

I found my otter…holding my hand tightly, never letting go. Always making sure I don’t get lost or taken away. He’s my love. He’s why I’m scared. (But I’m not going anywhere…)

(Photo Credit: Katherine Fajardo)